Is the saying, “It’s just not meant to be” – true or not?
This is a very common saying. I hear it uttered to me by others frequently and I’ve also said it to others and muttered it to myself.
I’m a massive fan of philosophy and inspirational quotes and I’ve been brought up on a diet of ancient Greek philosophers and have a passionate interest in eastern mysticism and traditions. So I definitely do believe that sometimes things just aren’t right or not meant to be in certain situations. It could be a lost opportunity, missing out on a job or contract because it fell through, or the end of a relationship. The list is endless. And sometimes these things not working out can pave the way to something even better to coming along.
However! There is a very fine line between believing something is not meant to be and actually not taking responsibility for what you could have done differently. Ouch!
There was a chap I came across recently whose name was Mr Not Meant to Be whose life revolved around the sayings, “this wasn’t meant to be. Neither was that. And not forgetting that other thing that wasn’t meant to be either. Nor that woman and relationship. Or that financial opportunity. Or the lottery. etc” Mind boggling! You get the idea.
So what Mr Not Meant to Be was actually doing was living his whole life through “this was just not meant to be” as an excuse for not taking responsibility for his choices, results, actions and behaviours and he’d never learn from any of his experiences. He was creating his own reality through his own perceptions and running away from his unhelpful mind programs that would sabotage his successes and chances at happiness.
I’ve been in situations a few years back prior to my NLP & personal development training, where I’ve let an opportunity slip through my fingers through either not quite believing I could do it, succeed at it or through sheer procrastination. Then I’d make myself feel better by saying to myself: “well… it wasn’t meant to be.” Or rather, I didn’t act on something when the opportunity arose because of the above factors and I didn’t want to accept the discomfort of my in-action. So now, if something doesn’t work out in the way I want it to, I’ll learn from that experience, move on and choose to do things differently next time.
If you are in a situation where you are putting your time, energy and focus into achieving something and nothing is happening, it may not be because ‘it’s just not meant to be’.
It can be easy at times to get into the habit of doing the same old thing which isn’t working and metaphorically speaking, you aren’t seeing the other, hidden turning off the roundabout that will get you to where you want to go because you are in tunnel vision.
Remember Einstein’s definition of insanity? “Doing the same old thing and expecting different results…” It does make me smile and I’ve been guilty of it in the past!
So what happens when you take responsibility for your actions, choices, behaviours and results?
It’s all about learning, flexibility and the willingness to try out something else. Another example is Thomas Edison and the making of the lightbulb (one of my favourite sayings). It apparently took him approximately 1000 attempts to create the lightbulb. If he stopped at the 999th attempt and didn’t get the lightbulb working by being flexible and continuing to try different things, do you think he would have sat there and said at the 999th attempt, “Well I didn’t succeed in making the lightbulb – it just wasn’t meant to be!” and shrug his shoulders and walk off? Probably not!
Choosing to not do things differently, not taking responsibility and missing out on opportunities can arise from a variety of reasons. It could be limiting beliefs, feelings of insecurity or inadequacy, deep down not feeling that you deserve the wonderful ‘prize’ or the unwillingness or fear of leaving the comfort zone and venturing into the unknown. These are powerful unconscious patterns that many people run in their minds without even being consciously aware of it and therefore creating their own reality, self-fulfilling prophecies and deep down feeling unfulfilled.
The good news is that you can change these patterns! How? More on that in another blog article…
Until then, enjoy your day and talk soon!